A Note About Trichotillomania
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Christina McCoy
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2009. All Rights Reserved.
- Reprinted from INTouch, Issue #52.
I have something called trichotillomania, and for seven years I have been pulling the hair out of my head. My personal journey with trich is long and detailed. I have been to six Trichotillomania Learning Center retreats (to which I owe many, many thanks for helping me accept, yet challenge, my trich), I have enlisted the help of hypnotherapists, psychiatrists, and biofeedback specialists, I have worn a wig and then subsequently destroyed the wig by pulling from it. For most of the time I was pulling, I wore a scarf on my head every day. In fact, there are many people in my life who have never seen me without a scarf.
After moving to Austin, Texas, I started seeing an expensive but effective psychologist. Soon after I began therapy, he prohibited me (asked me nicely?) from wearing the scarf. I decided, with his help, that the scarf had become nothing more than a crutch, that I could continue pulling at the same rate or more and just throw a bandana on my head like nothing had ever happened. I was forced to take into consideration my outward appearance, and I realized that looking shabby made me feel shabby too. The scarf triumphantly came off, and my self-esteem and determination grew. I started tracking my pulling, hair by hair, and really treating the trich as an addiction (a model I had always suspected might be of value). Through some much needed tough love, tell-it-like-it-is therapy, I decided that as long as I was pulling I couldn't really be Christina; that the Christina I had always wanted to be was not the one hiding behind a scarf, secretly ashamed of something that had become more than just a bad habit.
Since living in Austin, I have revitalized a local support group for hair pullers and skin pickers. We are a group of strong, marvelous women who meet weekly to talk about what we can do to make our lives more manageable and how we can reach out to other pullers in Austin. Through the help of some lovely co-facilitators we have managed to create a close-knit community where we can always depend on each other for love and accountability. I credit much of my current success to these women and their support.
I am currently seven months pull-free. This is the longest I have ever gone without pulling my hair out, and it seems like nothing compared to the seven years I have pulled. I have a full head of gorgeous, curly hair that reminds me every day how amazing my progress has been. I am still taking things day to day, but I wake every morning to a new chance to show the world who I am and what I stand for. Unfortunately, little is known about this disorder and little is discussed amongst the scientific community. The beauty industry teaches us that we have to have perfect hair, and peddles product to help us achieve it. As a woman, hair loss is shameful and seems to somehow detract from our femininity. Trich is not only hard to talk about but sometimes even harder to accept.
So I'm coming out. I have trichotillomania. I am trichotillomania. Chances are you know someone who is too. It's time that as a community we found a collective voice of hope and action, and began an open, honest discussion about this common disorder. Challenge yourself to go tell someone about your or someone else's pulling. Until we can be candid with ourselves, we cannot be candid with others.