Why I Belong to a Support Group
- Members of the NYC TTM Support Group. Compiled by Jennifer Raikes
- Reprinted from InTouch Issue #51 © 2007
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2008. All Rights Reserved
A few thoughts about why it's worthwhile to be in a support group: I'm not alone. I can discuss something I've been unable to speak of without shame or fear. I've learned to not hate myself for my trich and to be kinder to myself. I've learned a lot about trich and about myself. I like my peers and enjoy the company. The group gives me hope and support (such a cliche!! for a support group!!!!). The group has helped me through a lot of hard times in the recent past. Speaking about my past, the group has provided me with a venue to talk about its horror and to move it from a cerebral experience to a feeling one. It has given me the vision that the rest of my life does not have to be plagued by the impact of this past. Marian, NYC
I can't explain the feeling that you have when you are able to get together every Tuesday with people who know about your secret. Finally, you are able to talk freely about hair pulling, knowing that everyone in that room knows how you feel. Realizing that you can be completely honest. For me, being honest is really helping with the healing process. I know when I talk about hair pulling to non-pullers I am more superficial. Sometimes, just keeping a secret (meaning the pulling) makes matters worse.
For me, just knowing that I am going to be with people who pull every Tuesday is healing for me. Just to sit in the same room. To know that these people are struggling just like me and we are going to talk about it. You don't have to pretend everything is OK, because if I am pulling, everything is not OK. Caroline, NYC
To be a part of a support group enables me to hear thoughts that had been running through my head come to life through the expression of others. With no pressure of having to talk if you don't want to. It makes me feel less alone. Just knowing you are not alone makes it all worthwhile. But it is also a great place to share information, remedies, stories and advice. Margot, NYC
Being part of a support group is a freeing experience for me. For the hour and a half I'm there, I no longer feel ashamed about my lack of hair. I know that for that time no one is judging me based on the amount of hair I have or don't have. I no longer feel scrutinized, under the microscope by people who don't know or understand what it is to pull their own hair. I feel part of a group, something larger than myself. There's a definite sense of camaraderie and acceptance. Corrina, NYC
I have found being part of our support group helpful on many levels. I think the most important thing it does for me is it operates as a kind of statement to myself that I'm committed to working on this problem. One of my biggest challenges historically with my hair (and, I think, with other problems in my life generally) is that I tend to minimize it and ignore it, kind of pretend it isn't there and it doesn't bother me. But, of course, it is there and it bothers me ENORMOUSLY. By setting aside one evening a week to devote to my hair, I'm committing myself to work on this problem. Whether I succeed in being "pull-free" or not, the group gives me a supportive environment where I can acknowledge and try to work on this problem. And that has been very, very helpful to me.
Our group helps my attitude towards myself as a puller. Before I knew others who pulled, I felt pretty bad about myself. I sort of ruled out ever feeling totally attractive because of the pulling. I stared at people's hair longingly, kind of hopelessly, knowing (or believing) that I could never have it, so I'd never be totally attractive. I think I feel generally a lot better about myself since being part of our group. Although I still feel worse about myself when I'm going through a bad pulling spree, it is very helpful to have the group to act as a sounding board, and to let all those horrible feelings of insecurity and unattractiveness out.
It's helpful to look around and see all the wonderful, beautiful women (and men!) in our group and know that they are all struggling with the same thing. It puts things into perspective, and helps me realize that I should not judge myself because of my pulling.
I really think that the group helps my ability to control my pulling. When I hear positive stories about people doing well, it makes me very hopeful. And the more hopeful I am, the more energy I seem to have to put on the Band-Aids, "talk" my hand down from my hair when it goes up there, etc. So the idea that it IS possible to get this condition under control, that it will not necessarily always be in control of me, really helps me feel motivated to stop. I wish I had that motivation from within, but I'm coming to realize that it seems to come from you guys! Catharine, NYC