Back to School:
A Backpack Full of Strategies for Parents
Suzanne Mouton Odum, PhD, Private Practice, Houston, TX
Ruth Goldfinger Golomb, MEd, LCPC, Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington, Silver Spring, MD
© Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2011. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted from TLC Member Newsletter InTouch, Issue 59, Fall 2010.
As the long, warm days of summer come to an end and the pressures of a schedule begin to weigh heavily on the hearts and minds of children, we thought it would be helpful to provide some tips to parents and children about how to approach the inevitable return to school. Interestingly, some children bask in the ease of summer and the lack of rigor in the daily routine. Summertime also allows for children to experience lots of varied sensory input (swimming, air conditioning, running around, bike riding, etc.) that are not readily available during the school year. These young people might do very well with pulling and picking during the summer months with the slower pace and varied activities that summertime offers. We often hear families talk about how hair pulling and skin picking are almost non-existent during these months. Ah, how nice to get a bit of a break!
Some, however, struggle tremendously during the summer as there is more down time and less structure. These children tend to pull and pick when they are “bored” or there is “nothing to do.” For these youngsters, the return to school may be a welcome relief and a return to daily structure that helps them reduce their pulling and picking almost naturally. If this is you or your child, isn’t that fabulous! The remainder of this article, however, will be aimed at those children who may return to, or increase, their pulling and picking at the start of school. It is important to note that for many children the increase in picking or pulling behavior may not begin immediately when school starts, but can occur toward the middle or the end of the first quarter of the school year. Once the school routine becomes more established and the workload increases, pulling or picking behaviors may increase as well. This can be quite a challenging time for everyone.
We believe it is important to address parents’ expectations for their child at this time of year. Most children with trichotillomania (trich) or skin picking (SP) experience some resumption of the behavior during the first quarter of the school year. Re-adjusting to the school schedule is hard for everyone in the family! It is most important to try NOT to be surprised by a setback. It may be helpful to view this period of time as an opportunity to learn more about transitions and how to better manage these challenging behaviors. During these times, your job is to help your child learn from the pulling or picking incident(s), and to problem-solve creatively in order to be able to do something different next time. Anticipating some struggles with hair pulling or skin picking during the first quarter of the school year can be extremely useful. You will not be surprised if hair pulling or skin picking happens and you will be delighted if it does not. Knowing that a slip is a possibility, there are some things that you can do to support your child at this time.
First, review all trigger situations that have been associated with pulling or picking in the past. When did your child have difficulty in the past (in the morning, after school, at night before bed)? During what activities did your child struggle with pulling or picking (during homework, while on the computer, while in the bathroom)? Help your child to identify times and places where pulling and picking are more likely to occur. Only then can s/he begin to make changes.
Second, review what has worked in the past. Were there strategies that s/he utilized that worked? Revisiting what has worked in the past reminds kids that they have had success before and, therefore, can have success again. Don’t forget to use a reward system! If using rewards was part of a strategy that worked last time, remember to incorporate it into the system from the beginning.
Third, support your child no matter what. It’s important to remember to support, to love, and to hold up your child emotionally; not to blame, judge, or criticize him/her. Focus on what is going well, not the pulling and picking.
Fourth, stay positive! Recovery for hair pulling and skin picking is a PROCESS. It is not a switch that flips off and on. Focus on the successes, not the setbacks. Help your child to move through the return to school knowing that your love for him/her is unconditional, not based upon the presence or absence of hair, skin, or nails.
Fifth, don’t make the pulling or picking behavior the focus of the return to school process (or the focus of any process, for that matter). Ask your child about his/her day, friends that s/he may have made, what teachers they like, whom they sat with at lunch, what they enjoyed about their day, etc. It is important to give the message that THEY are important, not the pulling and picking behavior.
Sixth and finally, take care of yourself! As parents we can become so focused on our children, especially if they are struggling, that we forget about ourselves. Take some time to exercise, to participate in a hobby, to get together with friends and to get your needs met. When you are feeling stronger and more confident, you will be more able to support your child and his/her needs more effectively. You will be able to be proactive, not reactive; to love instead of criticize. You will be a better parent if you are taking care of yourself.
Not only is taking care of yourself important for your own well-being, it can set an important example for your child. When faced with a challenging behavior, your child can best take care of him/herself by anticipating trigger situations, using strategies that work, being a good problem solver, and staying positive. In order to be emotionally available to your child, you too must take care of yourself so that you can remain positive, maintain perspective, and provide the love and support necessary to meet life’s challenges.
In summary, back to school can be a challenging time for children and parents if trichotillomania or skin picking is in the picture. If transitioning back to school is a trying time for your child, remember that this is not unusual. Think about it. There are times of the year that are hard for grown-ups too. Typically, the holiday season is a time when diets and exercise are put on the back burner and adults may experience weight gain. Isn’t this why we all go on health kicks at the start of the year? There are things we can do to make it a safer journey through the holidays, but many times we accept the consequences and face reality on January 1. Back to school for kids who pull hair or pick skin is a similar time. Remember to use the following strategies to support your child:
—Expect slips during the first quarter of the school year
—Review trigger situations
—Review what worked in the past
—Support your child no matter what
—Stay positive
—Don’t make pulling or picking the focus of the return to school process
—Take care of yourself
Almost always, it is not the fact that a child is engaging in these behaviors that is the problem, it is the way the child (or the parents) REACT to the behavior that makes all of the difference between a successful outcome or a failure. In other words, you are not the cause of this behavior, but you are certainly part of the solution. Be an informed and supportive part of your child’s return to school knowing that no matter what happens, you will love, support, and nurture your child through this transition, which for many can be a challenging time.
Ruth Goldfinger Golomb, LCPC, MEd, is a senior clinician, supervisor, and co-director of the doctoral training program at the Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington, where she has worked since the mid-1980s. Ms. Golomb specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders in children and adults. She has conducted numerous workshops and seminars, and participated as an expert in panel discussions covering many topics, including Tourette's Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Trichotillomania, and managing anxiety disorders in the classroom. In addition to publishing articles for professional journals and newsletters, Ms. Golomb is an author of The Hair Pulling 'Habit' and You: How to Solve the Trichotillomania Puzzle, a book describing the comprehensive behavioral treatment of trichotillomania in children, and Stay Out of My Hair, a book written to help parents of children with trichotillomania. Ms. Golomb is a member of the Science Advisory Board for the Trichotillomania Learning Center.
Suzanne Mouton-Odum, PhD, is a psychologist in private practice in Houston, Texas. She obtained her doctoral degree from the University of Houston in Counseling Psychology and completed her residency in Clinical Psychology at the University of Texas Medical School in Houston. She has treated people with trich and other body-focused repetitive behaviors since 1993, and has been a member of the Trichotillomania Learning Center Scientific Advisory Board since 2001. Dr. Mouton-Odum regularly attends and presents at the TLC Annual Conference and Retreat. She is the co-owner and lead developer of the only interactive, online website for trichotillomania, www.stoppulling.com, and for skin picking disorders, www.stoppicking.com. She also co-authored Stay Out of My Hair, a book written to help parents of children with trichotillomania. She is happily married and lives in Houston with her husband and two children.
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