10 Tips to Manage Holiday Stress and
Avoid Pulling or Picking Overwhelm
- Compiled by Leslie Lee, TLC Program Coordinator
- © Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2010. All Rights Reserved
Now that the long Thanksgiving weekend us behind us, the holiday season and its many celebrations have begun. Every day, we hear messages of joy, love and peace. But for many, depression and anxiety often run high around the holiday season, and those messages of joy may make it harder to cope with negative feelings. Plus, with increased depression and anxiety, often comes an increase in urges to pull or pick. Rather than let these feelings and behaviors get the best of us during this time of celebration and joy, it can be helpful to recognize our holiday triggers and plan coping strategies in advance.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with your loved ones, it’s important to acknowledge those feelings of sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. Feelings are what they are: they do not respond to logic or reason. Sometimes, when we take the time to actually FEEL our FEELINGS, they tend to take less of the center stage of our day-to-day.Â
2. Relationships: Can’t live with them – can’t live without them
Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify during the holidays — especially if you're thrust together for several days. If this is a trigger for you, think of some ways that you can head these feelings off before they get to be too much. Plan time for you, or your guests, to get out of the house for a few hours…or a full day. Keep it simple by going for a walk in the neighborhood, take a yoga class together or alone, or send the in-laws out for a pizza and a movie. Think of some things to do in advance, so you’ll be prepared with ideas when tensions and boredom run high.
On the other hand, facing the holidays without a loved one can be tough and leave you feeling lonely and sad. Volunteer time at a homeless or animal shelter or spend time providing food baskets to those less fortunate. Invite other friends whose families are also not around to have a special holiday dinner together. This is great time of year to investigate other options for making new friends: join a local support group, a gym or take a class in something that interests you: think of things you can do that will help you meet new people, keep you occupied when you’re feeling lonely, and, in the long-run, all build up to a healthier lifestyle!
3. Finances: Getting a handle on the holiday output.
With the added expenses of gifts, travel, food and entertainment, the holidays can strain your budget — and your peace of mind...often for months to come. Set a clear budget before you go shopping: know who you are buying for, and how much you are willing to spend. If you can, jot down a couple gift ideas for each person within your budget. It will make for less stressful shopping experience and help you prevent the anxiety that comes with overspending and shoppers remorse.
Many of us simply don’t have the extra money for gifts this year. Don’t worry about buying the perfect gift (we all have too much “stuff” anyway!). Make something from the heart: the web is full of homemade holiday websites for all levels of craftiness. Bake your co-workers cookies, encourage your family to draw names rather than buy individual gifts. Simple little gifts from the heart mean so much more than big-ticket items from department stores! (And, crafting is a great way to help keep our “hands down”).
4. Don’t skip out on your therapist
You’re busy, have way too much to do… and you may be tempted to cancel an appointment with your therapist or counselor. Instead of looking at your appointment as another obligation you must uphold, try looking at it as “me time:" an opportunity to evaluate your feelings, how you are coping with them, and really check in with yourself. Plus, it's really important when working on recovery from pulling and picking issues to be consistent: skipping one appointment may lead to skipping others, and you’ll miss a chance to get some valuable feedback during a stressful time.
5. Schedule some down-time
Most of us with trichotillomania or skin picking experience increased behavior when we’re exhausted. Plus, being exhausted increases our stress, creating a vicious cycle of stress = overwhelm = pulling/picking. Plus, running yourself down also makes you more susceptible to colds or other illnesses. Make sure you get plenty of rest and provide moments to relax throughout your day. Try lighting scented candles, listening to quiet music, taking a bath, or enjoying a cup of herbal tea: there are hundreds of ways you can relax your mind and body to prepare for a good night’s rest.
Plus, it’s ok to say no: you don’t have to attend every party, volunteer for every school activity, or host the family for the weekend! Decide which events are important and which you can gracefully decline.
6. Don't abandon healthy habits
We’ve already established that we are all too busy during the holidays. But, that doesn’t mean that we can throw a year’s hard-work to the curb! Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt…and it often leads directly to pulling and picking! Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity. Watch the drinking, too: studies show that over-consumption of alcohol can lead to depression, and we already know that drinking isn’t going to help with pulling or picking.
7. Modify Your Expectations
Sometimes, our expectations for the holiday season do not match our reality. Hollywood, and our own memories or daydreams from childhood, leave us with images of friendly family get-togethers, perfect gift exchanges, and romantic moments by the fireplace. But honestly, when was the last time you roasted chestnuts with a loved one?
Examine your expectations for the holidays. Â Are they realistic? Perhaps some readjustments are necessary in order to meet your own reality. The holidays don't have to be "perfect" or "just like last year." As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones.
8. Take a breather. In fact, take several
Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm. Christina Pearson, Founding Director of TLC, sends a weekly text messages (available by subscription) that often helps remind us to take this time. For example, “Aware of rising impulses, I have an opportunity to stop, check in with myself, and recommit myself – rewiring my nervous system over time.” Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? Well, start that rewiring now, when you may need it most. You may just pick up a new “habit” to help replace old ones.
9. Practice Acceptance….
When we are depressed or overwhelmed, we tend to measure life by the number of bumps in our road, rather than by how we navigate those bumps. Life does not always happen the way you want it to: Look at your reaction to situations that don’t work out the way you had planned: do you tend to let the "problem" get you down? Or, do you look at it as an opportunity to improve the situation and make something better of it?
10.…And forgiveness
The holiday season, and particularly, the New Year, is a great opportunity to take a look at our life and relationships with a new perspective. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time, or perhaps, let bygones be bygones and forgive what you can. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression too.
The anxious feelings that often come this time of year can come from many things: financial stress, anxiety over family, and pressure to attend social functions are just some of the things that could send one into a pulling or picking episode. It’s important to arm yourself in advance of these overwhelming feelings: with a little planning and preparation, you may find that the the holiday season isn’t so bad, after all!
Depression is real and can hurt not only the person suffering but also all those people in their lives. Â It’s important to note whether or not feelings of depression are linked to the holidays in particular, or if it seems to be an ongoing issue: clinical depression is a real and serious issue that must be treated (and, if you have trichotillomania or skin picking issues as well, treating depression is paramount to recovery from these behaviors). For more information on clinical depressions, visit the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. For information on Anxiety Disorders, visit the Anxiety Disorders Association of America.
More resources on trich.org:
Online Support Groups and Chat Rooms
Inspirational Text Messages from Christina Pearson
Personal Stories:
50 Ways to Stop Pulling Your Hair
Mom Steps up to the TTM Plate! Advice for Parents
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References
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Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER) http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030/NSECTIONGROUP=2. Accessed Nov. 30, 2010.
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Managing Holiday Depression. Health Central. http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety/holiday-275987-5.html.
Accessed Nov. 30, 2010.